Staying Together, Apart: Caring for Your Family After Divorce

dad reading books to kids

Staying apart during the pandemic is hard but try doing that on a regular basis. Families that are raised by divorced parents have a hard time trying to stay together. That’s a fact if the father and the mother don’t approve of each other anymore.

Anyone with a choice will actively try to stay away from being divorced. Such a split only happens in the event that one of the partners feels like they’re “no longer in love” with the other person. In cases where children are involved, child custody attorneys come into the picture. Before that happens, however, it’s usually advised that the couple try to work things out before finally calling it quits.

Even though you’re apart for one reason or another, there’s no reason why you can’t work things out while divorced for the sake of your children. Take a look at some pieces of advice on how you can work things out if you’re not staying together for the kids anymore.

No Bad Things About Your Ex

If the separation wasn’t amicable, there’s no reason for you to badmouth your ex-husband or wife. There will come a time when your kids have to make their own decisions based on which parent they choose. You should let them have free rein over which parent they want to go with.

It is important that you give this choice to your kids. Both parents may have made mistakes. Even if it’s only one of you, you shouldn’t put the blame solely on that parent. If the ex is doing the bad-mouthing, take the high road and become the better person—do not take revenge by speaking ill of them back.

Remind your kids that whatever happens and however things are sour between the two of you, the love you (you and your ex) for them will never change.

There are Things That You Cannot Control

Most of the time, approved rules during the divorce proceedings state that the former husband and wife will have equal time with their children. There might be weekends in a month when your children stay with their father or vice versa.

If this is the case, then what your rules are at your home doesn’t necessarily apply to when they’re staying with their other parent. There’s a limit to what you can control when you don’t have custody of your children during their visits with the other parent.

Remember to control whatever you can, and don’t be too pressured to extend that beyond the four walls of your home.

daughter on shoulder of dad

Dating Shouldn’t Include Your Kids

It should come as natural that you’re testing the waters again; after all, it’s not easy raising kids alone or living in such a fashion, so it’s only natural to date people once you can.

The only caveat here is that you shouldn’t think this would be fine with your children right away. Keep them out of the dating scene whenever you can. Even when they’re already teenagers, you should take it easy in including them in your new dating world.

You should also break any news about any impending union between you and a new man or woman in your life gently.

Your Matters are Your Own

If you’re divorced or are in the process of getting divorced from your husband or wife, one thing you should know is not to meddle in their affairs anymore. This is important especially if you’re not together anymore.

Instead, you should make space for one another. Once you’re not bound by marriage, you regain a certain amount of privacy again. For instance, one way of giving them privacy is to let them have their own parenting style with your children, and never meddle with that.

If there are any concerns, you should speak with them in a civil and peaceful manner.

Hold Regular Meetups With Each Other

If you still have some issues with how your children are being raised, then you have all the right to schedule a meeting between the two of you.

Make it clear that the meeting is to discuss how the children are being raised. You could discuss different matters affecting their lives, from academic to personal development. After all, you both need to be present in their lives.

If you cannot talk with them face-to-face for reasons like the pandemic, you could try to call or use e-mail messages.

Raising your children and helping them become the best they can be is important, even if you and your partner are divorced already. Make them feel that you’re always going to be present in their lives, even apart.

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